SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT HEX BLACKTHORNE IS A LITTLE WEIRD. THIS COULD VERY WELL BE TRUE. WHEN HE WAS 13, HEX DID DIP HIS JUNK IN SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE BEFORE ENGAGING IN SELF LOVE, BUT ALL IN ALL HEX IS VERY SANE AND WELL ADJUSTED COMPARED TO SOME PEOPLE IN OUR SOCIETY
THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ANATHEMA TO REGULAR FOLKS SINCE THE ADVENT OF INDOOR PLUMBING BACK WHEN HEX’S MOM, MABEL ‘LEFT EYE’ BLACKTHORNE WAS PLAYING THE PART OF MARY MAGDALENE FOR THE LOCAL PRODUCTION OF RAPTOR JESUS, SUPERSTAR.
NO, NO, HEX IS NOT TALKING ABOUT THE POLYPHONIC SPREE. NO, HEX BLACKTHORNE IS TALKING ABOUT THE OTHER POX ON HUMAN (AND RAPTOR) KIND, DUDES WHO START CONVERSATIONS IN THE BATHROOM.
NOW MAYBE IT IS OK TO DO THIS IN COUNTRIES OTHER THAN AMERICA, BUT HEX HAS ONLY BEEN TO CANADA, THREE TIMES, TO SEE STRIPERS ARE CLUB SUPER SEX IN MONTREAL, SO HE DOESN’T KNOW A LOT ABOUT THE WIDER WORLD, BUT HE DOES KNOW THAT IF YOU SEE WARTS ON THE STRIPPER TO NOT TOUCH THEM, OK, WARTS ON STRIPPERS ARE BAD.
OK BUT ANYWAY STOP DISTRACTING HEX. THE PEOPLE HE IS TALKING ABOUT WHO ARE DEFINATELY WEIRD ARE DUDES WHO START CONVERSATIONS. WHEN MOSES CAME DOWN FROM RECIEVING THE COMMANDMENTS ON DENALI FROM GEORGE BURNS HE CAME DOWN WITH 3 TABLES, BUT ONE GOT BLOWN UP WHEN HE GOT REALLY MAD THAT THE REST OF THE ISREALITES HAD DRANK THE LAST OF THE MILK AND THEN PUT THE EMPTY CARTON IN THE FRIDGE, BECAUSE THAT REALLY PISSES A GUY OFF, OK, BUT THERE WAS AN IMPORTANT COMMANDMENT THAT GOT LOST WHEN HE BLEW THAT UP
“THOU SHALT NOT TALK TO OTHER DUDES IN THE BATHROOM”
ALSO ON THE TABLE WAS SOME OTHER STUFF TOO THAT SOME OF THE GNOSTIC GOSPELS REVISITED BUT THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT!!!!!!!!!
ANYWAY, SO GOD HIMSELF, IN THE FORM OF GEORGE BURNS, TOLD US NOT TO TALK TO OTHER DUDES IN THE BATHROOM. THE REASON FOR THIS IS EVERY TIME YOU TALK TO ANOTHER DUDE IN THE BATHROOM, WHAT YOU SAY ECHOES THROUGH SPACE AND TIME, AND COULD BE HEARD BY A CREATURE SO TERRIBLE, SO HIDEOUS, AND SO INSANE THAT IT MAKES EVEN THE DUDES WHO START THE CONVERSATIONS LOOK NORMAL
YOU MIGHT THINK HE’S BEEN INCARCERATED, BUT THIS TERRIBLE GOBLIN CAN TRAVEL OUTSIDE THE BOUNDS OF SPACE AND TIME, WHERE HE WILL BLOW A HOLE IN YOUR HEAD, THEN USE IT AS A BONGO FOR THE NEXT ALBUM HE PRODUCES, WHICH WILL BE IN HELL, AT LEAST.
OK SO YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, OK? TALKING IN THE BATHROOM MEANS YOU RISK GETTING KILLED BY PHIL SPECTOR, THE BATHROOM GOBLIN. PLEASE DON’T DO IT! IT’S WEIRD AND DANGEROUS! THANK YOU OK BYE.