HELLO, HEX’S FRIENDS. MANY OF YOU HAVE EXPRESSED CONCERN AS HEX HAS BEEN QUIET THE LAST FEW MONTHS AND HEX CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERN SINCE ITS REALLY HARD FOR HEX TO EVEN NAP WITHOUT HAVING THE NEIGHBORS CALLING THE COPS BECAUSE HE IS MAKING TOO MUCH NOISE BEING AWESOME.
HEX IS THINKING OF NEW, COOL THINGS, THAT DO NOT INVOLVE FELONIES, THAT HE CAN SHARE WITH YOU, LATER. LIKE TOMORROW, OR NEXT TUESDAY.
OK BYE!!!!!!
HEY EVERYONE, HEX IS HERE WITH EXCITING NEWS. HEX WAS GOING TO DO SOMETHING CRAZY AND SELF-SACRIFICING TODAY: HE WAS GOING TO SKIP HIS BURRITO TODAY SO HE COULD GO TO THE COMIC BOOK SHOP TO GET A COPY OF BETA RAY BILL: GODHUNTER #1 BECAUSE BETA RAY BILL IS TOTALLY AWESOME. (THOUGH NOT AS AWESOME AS HEX’S DAD, ROM) HOWEVER, HEX’S SELF SACRIFICE WAS NOT NEEDED BECAUSE A CO-WORKER WANTED BURRITOS TOO AND THEY DELIVER! YAY BURRITOS YAY COMIC BOOKS!
RECENTLY HEX BLACKTHORNE WAS NOT ABLE TO EAT A BURRITO
THERE WAS AN ISSUE THAT AROSE AT HOME — HEX’S LADY WAS BEING HARASSED BY GIGANTIC ANTS LIKE JOAN COLLINS IN ‘EMPIRE OF THE ANTS’ BUT HEX’S LADY IS NOT A BITCHY REAL ESTATE AGENT, IS NOT IN FLORIDA, AND IS NOT JOAN COLLINS BUT IS STILL A REAL FINE LADY
ANYWAY SO HEX HAD TO GO HOME, AND IT WAS FRIDAY, WHEN HEX NORMALLY GETS A BURRITO FOR LUNCH (WITHOUT BEANS BECAUSE HE IS TOTALLY TOO NICE TO HIS CO-WORKERS)
IF YOU DONT GET TO EAT YOUR BURRITO WHEN YOUR BURRITO IS DUE, YOU MIGHT GO THROUGH A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE TO HEX
THE FIRST STAGE OF BURRITO GRIEF IS SHOCK AND DENIAL. HEX COULD NOT BELIEVE HE DIDN’T GET TO EAT HIS BURRITO. HIS BURRITO WAS GOING TO BE SO TASTY! THE BURRITO PLACE PLAYS GOOD MUSIC!
THE SECOND STAGE IS ANGER. GOD DAMN YOU ANTS! GOD DAMN YOU JOAN COLLINS! GOD DAMN YOU POOR DRUNK TED THE SHITTY MAINTAINENCE MAN WHO DOESNT DO HIS JOB! HEX WAS GOING TO HAVE A GODDAMNED BURRITO!
THIRD YOU WILL EXPERIENCE BARGAINING. IF HE DIDNT HAVE THE BURRITO THIS WEEK, HEX CAN HAVE A BURRITO NEXT WEEK TWICE. EVEN IF HEX’S LADY SAYS NO BECAUSE SHE IS WORRIED ABOUT HIS CHOLESTEROL. HE DESERVES A SECOND BURRITO, HEX’S LADY! HE HAD PANERA THAT DAY! PANERA! IT WAS NOT A BURRITO! HEX WANTS A BURRITO PLEASE ITS ONLY ONE WEEK HE WILL HAVE A SECOND BURRITO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HE WILL BE GOOD AND NOT ASK THIS EVER AGAIN
FOURTH, DEPRESSION. OH WOE IS HEX. HE WANTED A BURRITO AND HE CANT HAVE IT. HEXS LIFE IS SO UNFAIR. NO BODY LOVES HEX, EVERYBODY HATES HEX, HEX IS GONNA GO EAT WORMS!!!!!!!
FIFTH: ACCEPTANCE. HEX IS NOT GOING TO HAVE TWO BURRITOS THIS WEEK, BUT WILL INSTEAD HAVE SAUSAGE TWICE AND NOT TELL HEX’S LADY. (SHE WONT READ THIS HEX IS PRETTY SURE!!!!)
PLEASE BE SURE TO CHECK BACK NEXT WEEK FOR HEX’S GUIDE ON SURVIVING THE WRATH OF YOUR LADY WHEN YOU LIE ABOUT YOUR SAUSAGE INTAKE.
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELLO EVERYONE, HEX BLACKTHORNE HAS BEEN PRETTY BUSY LATELY BUT HE WANTS YOU TO KNOW HE STILL LOVES YOU ALL. ESPECIALLY THE PERSON WHO LEFT THE NASTY TROLL ON MY LAST POST THAT HEX DELETED INSTEAD OF PUBLISHING. OH, THAT PERSON WAS IN THE CHICAGO METRO BTW SO IF YOU KNOW ANYONE THERE WHO IS BEING A JERK GIVE THEM A HUG FOR HEX IN CASE THEY ARE HEX’S TROLL
TODAY HEX IS GOING TO BEGIN HIS LONG AWAITED SERIES ON HEX’S FRIENDS, THE GOREANS. WHERE DID GOREANS COME FROM, YOU MAY ASK? ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE FROM SECOND LIFE YOU MIGHT WONDER THIS BECAUSE IN SOME QUARTERS THERE SEEM TO BE MORE GOREANS THAN STARS IN THE NIGHT SKY.
THE ANSWER IS: OUTER SPACE!
HEX HAS DETERMINED THAT GOR IS LOCATED ON A ‘COUNTER EARTH’ THAT REVOLVES AROUND THE SUN OPPOSITE FROM THE EARTH. THIS COUNTER EARTH WAS CREATED BY THE HIGH EVOLUTIONARY (WHO SOMETIMES MASQUADES AS ‘THE COLONEL’) IN THE 70S TO HOUSE HIS CREATIONS, THE INSECTLIKE PRIEST-KINGS OF GOR.
SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT HEX BLACKTHORNE IS A LITTLE WEIRD. THIS COULD VERY WELL BE TRUE. WHEN HE WAS 13, HEX DID DIP HIS JUNK IN SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE BEFORE ENGAGING IN SELF LOVE, BUT ALL IN ALL HEX IS VERY SANE AND WELL ADJUSTED COMPARED TO SOME PEOPLE IN OUR SOCIETY
THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ANATHEMA TO REGULAR FOLKS SINCE THE ADVENT OF INDOOR PLUMBING BACK WHEN HEX’S MOM, MABEL ‘LEFT EYE’ BLACKTHORNE WAS PLAYING THE PART OF MARY MAGDALENE FOR THE LOCAL PRODUCTION OF RAPTOR JESUS, SUPERSTAR.
NO, NO, HEX IS NOT TALKING ABOUT THE POLYPHONIC SPREE. NO, HEX BLACKTHORNE IS TALKING ABOUT THE OTHER POX ON HUMAN (AND RAPTOR) KIND, DUDES WHO START CONVERSATIONS IN THE BATHROOM.
NOW MAYBE IT IS OK TO DO THIS IN COUNTRIES OTHER THAN AMERICA, BUT HEX HAS ONLY BEEN TO CANADA, THREE TIMES, TO SEE STRIPERS ARE CLUB SUPER SEX IN MONTREAL, SO HE DOESN’T KNOW A LOT ABOUT THE WIDER WORLD, BUT HE DOES KNOW THAT IF YOU SEE WARTS ON THE STRIPPER TO NOT TOUCH THEM, OK, WARTS ON STRIPPERS ARE BAD.
OK BUT ANYWAY STOP DISTRACTING HEX. THE PEOPLE HE IS TALKING ABOUT WHO ARE DEFINATELY WEIRD ARE DUDES WHO START CONVERSATIONS. WHEN MOSES CAME DOWN FROM RECIEVING THE COMMANDMENTS ON DENALI FROM GEORGE BURNS HE CAME DOWN WITH 3 TABLES, BUT ONE GOT BLOWN UP WHEN HE GOT REALLY MAD THAT THE REST OF THE ISREALITES HAD DRANK THE LAST OF THE MILK AND THEN PUT THE EMPTY CARTON IN THE FRIDGE, BECAUSE THAT REALLY PISSES A GUY OFF, OK, BUT THERE WAS AN IMPORTANT COMMANDMENT THAT GOT LOST WHEN HE BLEW THAT UP
“THOU SHALT NOT TALK TO OTHER DUDES IN THE BATHROOM”
ALSO ON THE TABLE WAS SOME OTHER STUFF TOO THAT SOME OF THE GNOSTIC GOSPELS REVISITED BUT THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT!!!!!!!!!
ANYWAY, SO GOD HIMSELF, IN THE FORM OF GEORGE BURNS, TOLD US NOT TO TALK TO OTHER DUDES IN THE BATHROOM. THE REASON FOR THIS IS EVERY TIME YOU TALK TO ANOTHER DUDE IN THE BATHROOM, WHAT YOU SAY ECHOES THROUGH SPACE AND TIME, AND COULD BE HEARD BY A CREATURE SO TERRIBLE, SO HIDEOUS, AND SO INSANE THAT IT MAKES EVEN THE DUDES WHO START THE CONVERSATIONS LOOK NORMAL
YOU MIGHT THINK HE’S BEEN INCARCERATED, BUT THIS TERRIBLE GOBLIN CAN TRAVEL OUTSIDE THE BOUNDS OF SPACE AND TIME, WHERE HE WILL BLOW A HOLE IN YOUR HEAD, THEN USE IT AS A BONGO FOR THE NEXT ALBUM HE PRODUCES, WHICH WILL BE IN HELL, AT LEAST.
OK SO YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, OK? TALKING IN THE BATHROOM MEANS YOU RISK GETTING KILLED BY PHIL SPECTOR, THE BATHROOM GOBLIN. PLEASE DON’T DO IT! IT’S WEIRD AND DANGEROUS! THANK YOU OK BYE.
